Remembering the True Meaning of Memorial Day

Memorial Day has changed over the years, despite the efforts of many veterans and historians who still fight to restore its traditional intent. Memorial Day is a national holiday in which we remember those in the military who sacrificed their lives defending our country and our right to freedom. It is intended to be a day of mourning and a time to honor our military men and women whom not only died in the line of duty, but the ones still fighting today. While many do take this time to pay their respects, there are those who have forgotten the true meaning of this day and what it commemorates.

Memorial Day was traditionally called Decoration Day, and it was a day in which people decorated the graves of those who died in the Civil War by placing flags and flowers on their burial sites. However, after World War I it also recognized all those who served in the military that were killed in wartime. The name was changed to Memorial Day in 1954.

While the date was traditionally observed on May 30 every year, Congress changed the date in 1971. It is now observed on the last Monday of May, in order to provide a three-day weekend. Many believe this change has caused the observance of Memorial Day to become a holiday of celebration instead of a day of mourning.

Memorial Day should be a day in which the flag is flown at half-mast, parades are organized to include firefighters, law enforcement and veterans, and a time to visit the graves and bring flowers in honor of those who died in the military and in the line of duty. However, today many have ignored these traditions and instead spend this day doing other things.

Many people believe Memorial Day is a celebration in which to welcome summer, and use this day to get together, cook out and enjoy a day off from work. Others relate this holiday as the weekend of spectacular summer sales events, a day in which the Indianapolis 500 begins, and the last holiday before schools and colleges close for the summer.

While many still do observe Memorial Day as it should be, the show of patriotism decreases year after year. While all Americans should participate in recognizing Memorial Day, there are many who do not even know the real meaning of this observance. In addition, some think it is a day to remember all who have died, instead of just our military soldiers.

While Memorial Day has changed over the years, it is still important to show respect and observe this day in which it was traditionally intended. There are many ways to observe Memorial Day:

Visit families of soldiers who are wounded or have lost their lives. If you can, donate to disabled veterans in their name.
Fly the American Flag at half-mast until noon.
Visit a gravesite and offer flowers to those U.S. Troops who have died in the nation's service.
Plan a family reunion or Get Together. It may be as simple and informal as a backyard barbecue.
Plan a family picnic. Get kids to help with preparing picnic food. This is also a wonderful way to enjoy the summer season.
Throw an informal Grilling or Barbecue party. Throw some burgers on the grill and invite your friends over and enjoy.
Wear your American spirit proudly. Badges, Pins, Shirts - make it a point to wear something that shows your patriotism.
Educate your kids about Memorial Day's history and origin and the history of U.S. Military. Read to them stories with a patriotic message and encourage them to look up dictionaries and encyclopedias on the subject.
Participate in Memorial Day parades and other such activities.

You might also consider adding your support to the efforts to restore the traditional day of observance of Memorial Day back to May 30th (instead of the last Monday in May). Don’t just make it a holiday; make the day a true memorial day.

It is important to remember Memorial Day in any way possible to show respect and to honor those in uniform who have passed away. It is a small price to pay in comparison to the price of freedom.

Dance Performance Anxiety - Ways to Cope

Your costume fits perfectly. You have memorized every arabesque and pirouette in your routine. In practice, you have performed this dance flawlessly. So, why do your knees shake and your palms sweat as you wait to take the stage?

Nervousness before a performance is something that most dancers experience, not to mention many athletes, public speakers, and even professionals like teachers and chief executive officers. Even the most experienced and well-prepared dancers can feel nervous before a performance.

When you feel nervous before going onstage, your body is reacting to the mental and physical stress of performing. All dancers understand that practice and performance cause physical stress—an hour of performance takes a lot of energy! But the mental stress of performing may be more difficult for a young dancer to understand and manage. When you perform, you are trying to beat your own expectations for your performance as well as the expectations of others. Even if you are alone on-stage, you are competing.

Competition in performance causes mental stress. And this stress causes your body to release adrenaline. Adrenaline is a hormone that makes you more alert and makes your body get ready to use energy. But, it can also make you feel like running away from a performance.

Professionals in sports psychology actually agree that some amount of stress is good. This is because adrenaline can improve your performance. In fact, if you experience no stress at all, you might perform poorly because your body won’t be ready to use its energy.

Most dancers who challenge themselves won’t be lacking in adrenaline, though. Instead, most dancers will experience too much stress. This can decrease your fine motor skills and make it hard to concentrate.

When you’ve spent months preparing for a performance, it’s natural to worry about how well you’ll do and what the audience and your instructors will think of you. But this worry can turn into anxiety.

Anxiety, according to some psychologists, is caused when you worry about things you cannot control. This will cause you to think negatively and focus on things that might go wrong.
The first way to reduce stress is to reduce anxiety. And to reduce anxiety, you must not imagine yourself failing. You have to imagine yourself doing well!

Dancers and other athletes learn to control anxiety and manage stress through practice. Sports Psychologists, athletes, and even public speakers have discovered the following tricks for reducing anxiety and stress before a performance.

Be Prepared - Although you’ve practiced for months, there are other ways to prepare yourself. Get a good sleep on the night before a performance. Make sure that your tights, dance shoes, and anything else you’ll need are ready.

Be Early - If possible arrive at the performance space early. Explore the stage before the audience and other dancers arrive.

Focus - Stop worrying about personal problems like your math exam or the fight you had with your best friend. Focus on how much you love dancing.

Stay Healthy -  Pay attention to what you eat before dancing. Don’t have caffeinated drinks like soda and coffee for several hours before a performance. Not only can these cause stress, but if they make your muscles shaky, you’ll begin worrying about how well you can perform.

Use Visualization - Imagine yourself dancing. Close your eyes and see yourself completing each move in your routine, finishing perfectly.

Stay Calm - Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.

As you gain more experience as a dancer, you’ll learn how to manage stress. With each performance, you’ll get better at managing nervousness. With practice, you’ll even learn how to use stress in a good way. Eventually, you’ll find that the “butterflies” you usually feel in your stomach before performing are no longer such pests.

From the Desk of God - A To Do List

I had seen this article before and rediscovered it on a twitter friend's blog - WisdomalaCart


We all receive memos about things to be done or changes happening. Here’s a To Do list that will make you smile! The author is unknown.

From The Desk of GOD
Effective Immediately:

Please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines as well…

1. QUIT WORRYING
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can’t help you until you turn it over to me. And, although my to-do-list is long, I am, after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME
Once you’ve given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problem with finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE
Don’t wake up one morning and say, “Well, I’m feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here.” Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It’s simple. You gave me your burdens and I’m taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don’t you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I’m in control. But there’s one thing I pray you never forget. Please don’t forget to talk to me – OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH
I see a lot of things from up here that you can’t see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I’m doing. Trust me, you wouldn’t want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven’t heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only – to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes my heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don’t ever forget that!

With all my heart, I love you,
GOD

Author Unknown

Helping Friends Cope With Autism

When I first moved into my home two years ago, I noticed that a young woman with a child about 7 or 8, didn't send him to school, but homeschooled him instead. I felt sorry for this child. There aren't other children around and he seemed extremely shy and lonely. As I got to know this woman and her husband, I was told that their child is mildly autistic, and they thought that homeschooling was the best alternative. I've since spent plenty of time with this child, being a friend to him and his parents. I've even encouraged them to investigate dance therapy, an idea which they and their son seem to like. Although he remains quiet, he enjoys my company, and I've become close to his parents. Support is often underestimated for families dealing with an autistic child. Here are some ways that you can help.

Autism is a catchphrase for a wide-ranging spectrum of neurological symptoms. People with autism range from those who can successfully live independently as adults to those who will need constant care and supervision for their entire lives. Communication and physical skills can range from normal to non-existent.

Having one of your children diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum changes your life forever, and the support of family and friends can go a long way to helping to deal with those changes and challenges. If you know someone with a child on the autistic spectrum, here are three important things you can do to be a true friend and a real help to them in their lives.

1. Ask Questions

Don't be afraid to ask about their child's diagnosis. Unless you understand the specific challenges they face, you won't know exactly what you will be capable of doing to help. Don't try to avoid the subject. They can't.

2. Include Them in Your Life

Children with autism can display a wide range of behaviors, and many of those behaviors would, in a neuro-typical child, be labeled by society as inappropriate. While eating with your hands may be acceptable for a two-year-old, try sitting in a restaurant or at a friend's dinner table with a 15-year-old who does the same thing. Children with autism can act out in many ways. What people might call bratty and spoiled behavior in a neuro-typical child can be an uncontrollable response to a stimulus in a child with autism.

Knowing that you can visit in their home without being judgmental will be a great relief to your friend. Having someone in their life who accepts their child and understands that child's unique behaviors provides much needed relief.

Including them in social activities at your own home is a great gift you can offer. Explain to your children that your friend's child has special challenges and may not react to things the way their other friends do. Let them know that it's OK to ask questions or to talk to your friend about their child. It's also OK to put away and protect your valuable and breakable things; in fact, knowing that your precious items are safe will make your friend feel more at ease in your home.

The behaviors displayed by children with autism can drive a family into social isolation. Letting your friend know that you are comfortable with their child and that they are welcome at your house - really welcome - will give them an oasis from a very judgmental world.

3 Provide Respite

Parents of autistic children get very few breaks. Just going out alone to a dinner and a movie can be an event that takes months of preparation. Years can go by between dates for a couple with an autistic child.
Having a child with autism can be compared to always having a toddler in your home. There is never a break from the constant supervision required. Giving your friend a break from this constant vigilance is a gift you cannot measure. Offering to watch their child, even for just a few hours, on a regular basis will be appreciated to a degree that is simply not understood by parents who do not have children with special needs.

Get to know your friend's child. Let them get to know and accept you. Learn what level of care and supervision the child requires and make sure your friend knows that you are honestly comfortable with any behavior their child may display. Even a two-hour break to do errands is something your friend will greatly appreciate. Allowing her a night out with her husband is a gift she will treasure.

These three simple things may seem like small things to you, but they will be a significant help to your friend. Knowing they can count on you for understanding and a little help now and then will make a big difference

Greatest Figure Skaters - My Choices

As someone who enjoys figure skating as well as dancing, I'd like to share this new contest/poll which allows figure skating fans to vote for their choices of "Greatest Ever." The catch? Only one skater or team can be named no. 1 Read on for details.

Who is the greatest skater/team of all time?

Kwan or Kim?

Torvill and Dean or Virtue and Moir?

Plushenko or Lysacek?

Who was the greatest figure skater or team ever? Now you can decide.

U.S. Figure Skating has created an NCAA tournament-style bracket with 64 of the greatest skaters and duos in the history of the sport. We're leaving it up to you to choose the last man (or lady...or pair ...or ice dancing team) standing.

Several criteria were used in seeding the skaters, including:

• On-ice accomplishments
• Historical significance
• Public perception
• Longevity

Every Monday and Thursday, 4 new skaters/teams will be posted on The US Figure Skating's Facebook page in the form of polls. Voting for each matchup will close once the new set of matchups is posted. Voting begins Monday, May 3. We ask you only vote once in each poll. The winner will be announced in late June or early July.



To keep up to date with the standings, check here after every Monday and Thursday.

The full bracket can be viewed: here. You can click the "Details" link in each matchup to learn more about each skater or team.

The bracket includes 21 men, 19 ladies, 13 pairs and 11 ice dancing teams...but only one can be crowned the best of all-time.

Who's it going to be?


Here are my choices, one in each category. Each of these skaters/teams and performances have stood the test of time and offer the perfect blend of technical ability, artistry and, for me, the sheer joy of performing - the best skating has to offer. It is that sheer love of their sport, their ability to express themselves through each performance that makes them unforgettable.

Women

Having won her first gold medal in 1984, Katerina Witt will always be the definitive Carmen for me and many others, winning a second gold medal in Calgary, 1988 and becoming the only woman to ever win two Olympic gold medals since Sonja Henie.






Men

Brian Boitano's Olympic Freeskate, Calgary, 1988 - Pitted against Canada's Brian Orser in the Battle of the Brians, Brian gave the performance of his life to win the gold medal.




Ice Dance

Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean Original Dance, Sarajevo, 1984. For awhile, the original dance was called the original set pattern dance. The ice dancers were required to create and perform a dance very similar to a compulsory ice dance where patterns and steps were repeated. Although Jayne and Chris's free dance to Bolero will forever be remembered, I also believe that their OSP, the Paso Doble, was arguably just as beautiful, stunning in its detail and choreography. It is worth noting as a ballroom dancer, that Jayne and Chris perfectly captured the true essence and origins of the Paso Doble, in which the woman performs as the cape. I would love to see dancers from shows like Dancing With the Stars take notes and have a couple transfer this choreography to the dance floor. The video here is from the 1984 European Championships.



Pairs

Sergei Grinkov and Ekaterina Gordeeva began skating together as children, won their first gold medal in the 1988 Olympics and grew into husband and wife on the ice. In 1994, they seized on a rule change that allowed professional skaters to regain their Olympic eligibility, returning to the Winter Games to win a second gold with a mesmorizing performance to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. “The first gold medal we had won for the Soviet Union,” she wrote later. “This one we won for each other.” Sadly, Grinkov died tragically in 1995 at age 28.

A Look at the Foxtrot

The Foxtrot originated in the summer of 1914 by Vaudeville actor Harry Fox. Born Arthur Carringford in Pomona, California, in 1882, he adopted the stage name of "Fox" after his grandfather.

Harry was thrown on his own resources at the age of fifteen. He joined a circus for a brief tour and he also played professional baseball for a short while. A music publisher liked his voice and hired him to sing songs from the boxes of vaudeville theaters in San Francisco. In 1904 he appeared in a Belvedere Theatre in a comedy entitled "Mr. Frisky of Frisco." After the San Francisco earthquake and the fire of 1906, Harry Fox migrated East and finally stopped in New York.

In early 1914, Fox was appearing in various vaudeville shows in the New York area. In April he teamed up with Yansci Dolly of the famous Dolly Sisters in an act of Hammerstein's. At the same time, the New York Theatre, one of the largest in the World, was being converted into a movie house. As an extra attraction, the theater's management decided to try vaudeville acts between the shows. They selected Harry Fox and his company of "American Beauties" to put on a dancing act. An article in Variety Magazine stated "Harry Fox will appear for a month or longer at a large salary with billing that will occupy the front of the theatre in electrics".

At the same time, the roof of the theatre was converted to a Jardin de Danse, and the Dolly sisters were featured in a nightly revue.

The May 29, 1914 issue of Variety Magazine reported "The debut of Harry Fox as a lone star and act amidst the films of the daily change at the New York Theatre started off with every mark of success. The Dolly Sisters are dancing nightly on the New York Roof. Gold cups will be given away next week to the winners of dance contests on the New York Roof."

The Fox-trot originated in the Jardin de Danse on the roof of the New York Theatre. As part of his act downstairs, Harry Fox was doing trotting steps to ragtime music, and people referred to his dance as "Fox's Trot."

In the rise to fame of the Vernon Castles, exhibition dancers of outstanding talent and charm, there was no doubt that the fox-trot was the most original and exciting of their various dances.

The elite of the dancing world were soon trying to capture the unusual style of movement and when a very talented American, G.K. Anderson came over to London, and with Josephine Bradley won many competitions, he set the seal - so to speak - on the style of the foxtrot.

The Foxtrot was the most significant development in all of ballroom dancing. The combination of quick and slow steps permits more flexibility and gives much greater dancing pleasure than the one-step and two-step which it has replaced. Today, the Fox Trot has evolved into a dance of social elegance, characterized by smooth, graceful and gliding movements and enjoyed by people of all ages. It remains one of America's best-loved dance, and in some ways it is the hardest dance to learn.

Learning to Foxtrot

Before you can take your first step, you must have the correct standing partner position. With square shoulders, imagine you have a straight line from each shoulder, through the hips, to the ball of each foot. Carry your head and chin up, shoulders down and relaxed, chest slightly lifted, hips well under the body, and weight  forward over the balls of your feet. Partners stand face to face so that the shoulders are parallel, and bodies are slightly to the right of one another. The man places his right hand just above his partner's waist with his elbow held high. The women places her left hand on his shoulder. The gentleman holds his partner's right hand in his left hand, extended out to the side with a slightly bent but firm elbow. With their upper bodies in light contact, the man's hold should be firm so he can lead with assurance.

Fundamentally, the Fox Trot is just a dance-walk done to music. The fox trot is danced to music written in 4/4 time with the first and third beats of each measure more heavily accented. It is danced in combinations of slow and quick steps, with each slow step taking two beats and each quick step taking one beat of the music. The 4/4 timing is "slow, slow, quick, quick" or "walk, walk, side, together." On the long slow steps you lead with your heal and you are low to the ground, on the quick steps you are high on the balls of your feet. (down, down, up, up) The long walking movements involve a subtle rise and fall action. Turning movements are similar to the Waltz, but with a more moderate rise and fall, and more length-wise action. This dance is a succession of sweeping glides, which blend with one another.

For the sake of simplicity, I will use the man's perspective when describing the movements in the Fox Trot. Keep a strong frame, and lead with your heal pressing through to the ball of your foot as you brush your leg forward. The following is the basic side close step.

1. Step forward left, slowly.

2. Step forward right, slowly.

3. Step to the left side, quickly.

4. Close together right, quickly.

There are many variations on the basic step. You can change the direction, or rhythm. You can even turn or subtly pause. Always remember the importance of balance and relaxation as you dance from your waist down; carrying the upper body free and easy. Leading men should indicate the steps by pressure with their right hand in the ladies back, or with their upper body, but don't grip your partner with a strangle hold. Keep your head up, never look at your feet, and never pump your left arm up and down. Now you're ready to feel the beat and sway to the 4/4 time swing music.

Here's a video of a beautiful Slow Foxtrot

Why Risks are Worth Taking

Virgil wrote 2,000 years ago, "Fortune sides with him who dares." It's a clever way of saying good fortune doesnt come to us; we go to it by taking risks. Life is all about taking risks. And we willingly take chances every day. Whether you drive, take public transportation, or walk to work, you are risking getting into an accident. Every time you go to sleep, you risk not waking up! But you go ahead and do it anyway.

What separates achievers from ordinary folks is their willingness to take optional as well as necessary risks. For example, lets assume I have an okay job. I enjoy it and earn enough to get by. Im not rich, but comfortable. Suddenly I receive a new job offer. The job comes with much more responsibility and a significant increase in salary. What shall I do? If I join the new company, how do I know I will like my boss and coworkers? What if I cant handle the responsibilities? What if Im found incompetent and fired? What if after losing my new job, I cant find another one? Should I risk my present security? Then again, who's to say that I couldn't lose my current job or that the company could go out of business?

What about the risk of dating again after a nasty break-up or divorce? On one hand, you can play it safe and not risk getting hurt again. On the other hand, you might miss out on a wonderful relationship because you refused to risk opening your heart. My grandmother used to say that it is always better to have loved and lost, even if you lose several times, than to never love at all. She experienced 3 failed relationships before she met my grandfather, who was her true soulmate. Had she not been willing to risk losing, she never would have gained a wonderful husband and friend. Or how about choosing a college, applying for a summer dance intensive or learning a new sport or hobby? Change can be scary; so can rejection. But we can't get very far if we don't take chances.

If you were standing in an amusement park and I gave you a handful of tickets, would you refuse to use them? Wouldn't you want to experience the thrills of the rides? Guess what? You are standing in a wonderland. Not only is the land full of thrills, but the very road you are standing on is magical. Why? Because it is the road that leads to anywhere. It will take you wherever you wish to go. The only price of admission is the willingness to take risks.

Snakes have to shed their skin before they can grow. We, too, have to shed our skin, the skin called our comfort zone. We hate changes. We dislike breaking our routine. We detest trying something new because anything were not used to doing is uncomfortable. But if were always doing the same thing, how can we grow? We are snakes, but we dont know it. We are meant to grow, meant to experience the unlimited adventures offered by life. So, let's practice shedding our skin, bursting through our present comfort level. Let's keep stretching by regularly taking risks.

Imagine a benefactor depositing $86,400 into your bank account every day, yours to do with as you choose. Would you let it just sit there, or would you go out and use it? Imagine what you could do with this gift! Every day you receive the gift of 86,400 seconds of life. How you use it is up to you. Why not use it to take risks and experience the adventure of life?

The following poem (author unknown) summarizes the subject well.

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure
But to risk we must, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing is one who does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrows, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave - he has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who takes risks is FREE

Windows

The  stories windows tell are told in silence.
Like pages from a book when you're alone.
No sound is needed to tell the tale.
Windows that, like picture frames, enclose
tiny segments of lives
and hold them for a second before the scene
changes to some other.

Some tell of warmth and love and happiness
that dwell on the other side.
The side no passerby can see.
Save for a fleeting moment before the drawing
of the drapes shuts out the light
that overcomes the sudden darkness of a winter evening.

There are stories  of violence the windows tell.
Boarded now, they tell of tragedy
and of how suddenly it came.
And how it touched the lives of all who knew.

There are stories of despair they tell.
The windows whose dirty glass
reflects the hopelessness of poverty
where tired feet in worn-out shoes
shuffle down streets filled with the rubbish
that remains after hope has gone.

And there are windows that tell of man's desire
to own that which he cannot afford to buy.
See them as they beckon and entice
and show the stuff a sparkling dream is made of.

Are they true
these stories that the windows tell
or are they sometimes make-believe?
You'll never really know for sure,
unless you see them from the other side.

Coping With Change

We use the word Change quite easily. We know it affects us to different degrees. We often fear it more than we welcome it and we reluctantly accept that it is a pervasive and continuous force in our lives. However, most of us don't really understand change and why it affects us the way it does, so we can never appreciate how we could deal with it or what it really means for us. But once we understand change and its consequences, it becomes easier to accommodate.

Basically, there are three types of change which affect different percentages of how much we lose and how well we cope.

A. Gradual Change(Peripheral): This kind of change tends to happen around us, rather than to us. There is very little fear around it because it is routine, imperceptible most times, and a natural part of our existence. Gradual change is anything which changes naturally, like deciding to buy a new dress or suit instead of wearing the old one; changing the toaster because it no longer works; choosing to try a new route to enjoy the scenery instead of the one we are familiar with; engaging a stranger at a networking event instead of just talking to the people we know. That kind of change is manageable, controlled, welcomed and consistent. In fact, every single day of our lives we will have some kind of gradual change that is non-threatening. We accept such predictable change with equanimity. If we were to judge this change in a kind of numerical ratio we would say that we lose about 20% of what we have but we hold fast to 80% of our life because we can easily handle that change and it is mainly about replacement rather than loss, making it comfortable to deal with, even if it is a little inconvenient at times.

B. Dramatic Change(Physical): This kind is very threatening and is often lethal. It is always unexpected, caused mainly by Nature, it is very traumatic and is primarily about displacement. Hurricane Katrina, the Asian tsunami and the recent Italian earthquake are prime examples of dramatic physical change. We are likely to lose up to 95% of what we possess in such traumatic situations. The five percent relates to our habits. We never lose those as we are likely to replicate them elsewhere in a new life. But many times we only end up with ourselves intact. We then rebuild and a few years down the line we will have another similar life, though we might look back wistfully on the old one. However, we always rebuild because it is in our nature to cope with such changes. Dramatic change affects us emotionally too, but in a positive way which reinforces our strength and belief in ourselves because we are always grateful to be alive in the aftermath of it. Recovery is likely to lead to greater things, even innovation, so that we always learn something from it too. This kind of change focuses our mind on the fragility of our existence but also reinforces our resilience in managing our world regardless of adversity.


C. Dramatic Change(Emotional): This kind of change damages us for the longest period. It has two parts and always relates to another person, especially break-ups and deaths in relationships. In emotional change you immediately lose 50% of whatever you had. Some people try to recreate it by expecting the new home, new wife, new husband or new partner to function in the same way they are used to, or they pretend that their partner isn't really gone and live in denial. They usually come unstuck in the end because they have to rebuild to exist but they often find it difficult to rebuild because the change has taken an intense toll on their emotions.

Emotional change, if self-initiated, is easier to manage, because the one desiring the change has greater control in the ultimate action. His/Her emotions will be in turmoil but not as affected as the person who has to agree to the change yet does not desire it (like in tragic cases of unexpected widowhood). That is where bitterness and resentment come into the equation which then makes the change doubly difficult to bear. This kind of dramatic change is the worst kind because emotions take longer to heal than physical hurt. One can easily build a house or a nest with someone but it takes much more motivation and encouragement to build harmony, love and a genuine relationship with a stranger. There is a lot of investment in it and when it crashes, it takes much more than just physical displacement. It affects self-esteem, self-belief, self-confidence and self-worth, all attributes that are essential to every-day living. It also affects our view of the future, often making it more pessimistic, but, most of all, it affects trust which takes ages to rebuild with another partner.

When people are exposed to dramatic emotional change, they are likely to feel at sea for some time. They have lost 50% of what they know, another 30% would have changed a lot, becoming useless in their new situation, and less than 20% of their former life will stay the same to give them some comfort. That is why life will become more difficult until they move on to something new, perhaps another love or positive event, which reinforces their feelings of worthiness and value. With change caused by death, that is the most difficult thing to do because a feeling of pain and guilt can cause grief to go on far too long and become overwhelming.

Such emotional change becomes difficult to deal with because of one main element: people don't realise just how much they have lost of themselves. They believe after a break-up or loss that they are equipped to go forward as normal, but emotional resources take time to rebuild. Worse still, they might try to resist that change and carry the old perspectives, expectations and behavior over to a new relationship which simply gives them more of the same further down the line.

Change is always inevitable and unpredictable, so the best way to cope with it is to accept change readily. Don't fight it. Allow a short time to grieve and allow yourself to rebuild at your pace while gradually laying the foundations for a new and even more exciting life. The minute we try to fight it and constantly complain about it we simply drag out the pain and hurt indefinitely. However, if we allow it to take its course, while grieving appropriately, we not only fully recover from it in due course, but we are also likely to gain from it too in some small (or large) unexpected way.

Remembering Grandmothers on Mother's Day

At Right - My Grandmother, 1946

Mother's Day is celebrated by moms of all ages, which means that this holiday is not only celebrated by mothers, but also by grandmothers, and great grandmothers of all ages. Mother's Day is that special day each year when moms are officially offered thanks for the many long hours that they have spent caring for their families; Thanks for the many hours that it takes for them to earn the right to be called "mom". That certainly fit my late grandmother, who was truly like a second mother to me.

Grandmothers find this day especially touching. They were raised in an era where the roles of mothers and fathers were more clearly defined. Fathers were the breadwinners and mothers were the ones who raised the children and created a pleasant home life. These grandmothers were responsible in their day for most of the factors involved with child rearing. They prepared the household meals, did the housework, helped with homework and counseled personal problems, drove children to and from after school activities, and overall managed to keep their households running as smoothly as was within their means to make happen. Grandmothers are thrilled to be remembered and included into this special day set aside to acknowledged their contributions.

Mother's Day cards that they receive will be set out on display for visitors to see and admire. Receiving a gift from a grandchild on Mother's Day makes this day all the more special for her. A gift shows her a deep level of affection toward her, and no matter the cost of this token gift, it is very much appreciated. It is a gesture that she will treasure and remember time and time again for years to come.

There are such a wide variety of economical, very special ways to show your mother or grandmother how much she is loved and appreciated on Mother's Day.

When considering what to get mom or grandma, think about her personality, her hobbies, as well as her abilities to do certain things or perform certain tasks.

Does she like to garden? My grandmother did, taking special pride in her rosebushes. Perhaps she isn't able to kneel over the back yard garden patch on her hands and knees quite as well as she used to, while maneuvering all those hand held garden tools around. Consider a gardening belt, worn about the waist with pockets for all her gardening tools. Many of these come with the garden tools already included, but if not, many can be found at the local dollar store. Just insert them into the individual pockets.

A very nice gift for the gardening mom or grandma, which will prevent the potential for back strains and falls are the hanging basket or planter types of vegetables and fruits now available. there are even "upside down" hanging tomato baskets. All kinds of fruits and vegetables are now available in containers that can hang in a basket or sit on the patio. Many of these come with the container, seeds or plants and even plant food included.

Another sure to please gift for the gardening mom is a nice straw hat. In this day and age of the necessity to protect against sun damage, to minimize ones risk of skin cancer, the straw hat is a must-have. Straw hats nowadays are very fashionable, with pretty decorations. They are very affordable, often ten dollars or less.

How about dance? If your grandmother loves dancing, then how about a gift certificate to a dance studio? Fred Astaire and Arthur Murray Studios offer these at a reasonable price and your grandmother gets the added benefit of fun exercise to keep her body and mind in good condition.

A unique gift that is always sure to please is an IOU. There is not a mother or grandmother around who would not appreciate her adult children or grandchildren coming over to clean the walls, or under the bed, especially those corners that mom and grandma just could not reach while spring cleaning. Include coupons to cook dinner at home for mom or grandma, making sure to serve mom and grandma as if they are royalty. After all, aren't they? Include coupons for things such as cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn, helping plant flowers or the vegetables, pulling weeds, running errands. Use your imagination to include things your own mother or grandmother would appreciate.

Are you an adult, but there are still minor siblings at home with mom? Many grandmas have taken on the task of foster parenting, or raising grandchildren. Offer to take the children for a day or two. Perhaps you could include a small gift card to mom’s favorite nail salon, hairdresser, or Movie Theater.

Is your mother or grandmother an avid reader? If you know what she likes, pick up a couple of her favorite books at the local bookstore. Barnes and Noble, Half-Price Books and other bookstores always have discounted books, in perfect condition. If you aren't sure what she likes to read, give her a gift card to her favorite bookstore. You don't even have to go to the bookstore to purchase the card. Most major grocery and big box retailers have an assortment of gift cards sure to please any mom or grandma.

If mom or grandma likes to write letters, a most appropriate gift sure to be appreciated can have your special touch added, and at a very reasonable price. A nice gift box or basket can be found at your local dollar store. Fill it with pretty stationary, note pads, writing tablet, envelopes, pens and pencils. Don't forget the stamps! For seniors on fixed budgets, especially, these items are becoming more expensive. Plus mom or grandma may not be able to get to the post office or store to purchase these items like they used to.

Do not forget the card. If a card is all you can afford this year, it would be the perfect gift for mom, with those IOU coupons tucked neatly inside.

Other much appreciated gifts come in the form of entertainment; tickets to a movie or play, a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or coffee house, passes to a local event or hockey game if that is what she likes. It is usually quite easy to find out what a grandmother likes. They are usually always happy to discuss the many little aspects of life with a willing grandchild.

A simple card decorated in ribbon, a framed photograph of a special moment or a special ribboned photo album, whatever the gift is that you have selected for your mother or grandmother, will probably be the right one. They just want to be remembered on Mother's Day for the contribution that they have made. You have only to see the warm look in their eyes to know that this is true.