The Lively Art of Swing Dance

The term “swing dance” is an umbrella term that actually refers to the various types of dances that developed during the 1920’s, 1930’s and 1940’s. Jazz was the most popular form of music during the first half of the 19th century in America, and swing evolved alongside swing jazz in those early 20th century decades. However, many of the grass roots of Swing predate jazz music. Although there are dozens of theories on the possible beginnings of Swing, the exact origins of the dance are unknown due to the fact that the dance evolved out of many different cities and communities concurrently.

Some dance historians believe that Swing is a likely descendant of Lindy Hop, the Charleston, the Fox Trot, the Waltz and the Tango. Many would agree that Swing got its start in many African American communities in America during the 1920’s, 30’s and 40’s such as Harlem, New York. This era, known as the Harlem Renaissance, was a time of creativity and innovation for African American writers, musicians, artists and other people of the performing arts.

During the rebuilding period following World War I, many African Americans were forced to abandon their farms and small towns in the South and relocate to larger urban cities such as Chicago, Illinois, St. Louis, Missouri and New York City in order to seek out new employment and restore their lives as well as their families.

Swing has roots in many major American cities, and different cities and areas developed different variations of Swing. Philadelphia is famous for 50’s Rock & Roll. Myrtle Beach turned out Carolina Shag. West Coast Swing and Balboa Bal Swing developed in Southern California. Tulsa has the Supreme Swing. Down in Louisiana there is Cajun Swing. Houston has Whip. Dallas has Push. Many of these areas are not familiar with the other variations of Swing outside of their own communities. Outside of the United States, Jive is the common form of Swing.

However, the epicenter of Swing was Harlem, New York. Two of the most popular offspring of the swing evolved in New York, Lindy Hop and the Jitterbug. Swing is a highly social and energetic dance. Many house parties occurred in New York City communities. These parties were full of drinking, entertainment, socializing and dancing.

A style of Swing, Lindy Hop evolved in a Harlem nightclub called Savoy. Dance couples competed in a friendly setting by coming up with variations and new steps to out due each other. Consequently, Lindy Hop was born, a style of dance that evoked energy and improvisation.

Lindy Hop actually got its name from a pilot. One night in 1927, following Lindbergh's flight to Paris, a local dance enthusiast named George Snowden was watching dancers at the Savoy night club and a local newspaper reporter asked Snowden what dance the couples were doing on the dance floor. At that moment, Snowden looked at a newspaper article next to him about Lindbergh's flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The title of the article was, "Lindy Hops The Atlantic." George read the headline and the name Lindy Hop stuck. Many dance experts refer to Lindy Hop as the “grandfather” of Swing.

During the mid 1930’s, the Jitterbug came to life after a big band leader, Cab Calloway, introduced a tune entitled “Jitterbug.” The song was a six beat variant of the more commonplace Swing. The term “jitterbug” is derived from slang used to describe alcoholics who suffered from the jitters. Since Swing encompasses a lot of jumping, bobbing and energy, Calloway reportedly said that the dancers on the floor looked like a bunch of jitterbugs moving around. The Jitterbug has been an American hit ever since.

A descendant of Lindy Hop, East Coast Swing began to grow in the 1940’s and involved a six count style which could be found more in ballroom type settings and competitions. Arthur Murray Dance Studios played a crucial part in the development of East Coast Swing.

Two common variations of East Coast Swing are Single Swing (a single step form as opposed to the traditional three step pattern) and Double Swing (a tap step pattern). The name “East Coast Swing” was chosen in part to distinguish that particular type of Swing from its street counterpart. Throughout the United States as well as the rest of the world, East Coast Swing is also referred to as Eastern Swing, American Swing, Lindy and Triple Swing.

On the opposite coast, in Southern California, West Coast Swing was quickly evolving. West Coast Swing is also a partner dance which is another descendant of Lindy Hop. West Coast Swing emphasizes quick feet and was more popular in nightclubs than ballrooms. Dean Collins, an American dancer, became an influential figure in the development of West Coast Swing after he moved to LosAngeles in 1937. In 1989, West Coast Swing became the state dance of California. Originally called Western Swing, the name was later changed to West Coast Swing in order to differentiate itself from the country dances.

In West Coast Swing there is an open position and a closed position. In the open position some of the common steps are the underarm pass, left side pass, push break and the tuck turn. In the closed position some of the common steps are the return to close, starter step, throw out and the whip. Two variations of West Coast Swing are Classic West Coast Swing which is danced to music that features swung eighth notes and Funky West Coast Swing which is a more contemporary style that fits more into America’s pop music culture.

The hay day of Swing was the period of time between the 1920’s through the 1950’s. However, Swing is still performed today in many different settings. The United States Swing Dance Championships, also known as the U.S. Open, is held each year on Thanksgiving weekend. Swing will always be a favorite amongst ballroom dancers because of its fast pace and room for improvisation and creativity.

One of the best Swing Dance Scenes in history from the film Hellzapoppin'(1941) Fast forward to 2:25 on.

How Creative Thinking Can Help You

I recently stumbled across this article - 9 Attitudes of Highly Creative People and thought I'd share it here. It makes a good case for thinking more creatively, of thinking outside the box. I think it offers great tips for everyone.


1. Curiosity

Learning to ask ‘why’, ‘what if’ and ‘I wonder…’ are great questions to build into your life if you want to be a more creative person.

2. Seeing Problems as Interesting and Acceptable

One of the problems of the Western mindset is that we often see problems or obstacles in life as unacceptable parts of life. We avoid pain or suppress it when it comes and in doing so don’t often see and feel symptoms that are there to tell us something important. Creative people see problems as a natural and normal part of life – in fact they often have a fascination with problems and are drawn to them.

3. Confronting Challenge

Many of the most creative ideas through out history have come from people facing a challenge or crisis and rather than running from it asking ‘how can I overcome this’?

4. Constructive Discontent

Creative people often have an acute awareness of what’s wrong with the world around them – however they are constructive about this awareness and won’t allow themselves to get bogged down in grumbling about it – they take their discontent and let it be a motivation to doing something constructive.

5. Optimism

Creative people generally have a deeply held belief that most (if not all) problems can be solved. No challenge is too big to be overcome and no problem cannot be solved (this doesn’t mean they’re always happy or never depressed – but they don’t generally get stumped by a challenge).

6. Suspending Judgment

The ability to hold off on judging or critiquing an idea is important in the process of creativity. Often great ideas start as crazy ones – if critique is applied too early the idea will be killed and never developed into something useful and useable. (note – this doesn’t mean there is never a time for critique or judgement in the creative process – it’s actually key – but there is a time and place for it).

7. Seeing Hurdles as leading to improvements and solutions

This relates to some of the above – but by ‘hurdles’ I mean problems and mistakes in the creative process itself. Sometimes it’s on the journey of developing an idea that the real magic happens and it’s often out of the little problems or mistakes that the idea is actually improved.

8. Perseverance

Creative people who actually see their ideas come to fruition have the ability to stick with their ideas and see them through – even when the going gets tough. This is what sets apart the great from the good in this whole sphere. Stick-ability is key.

9. Flexible Imagination

I love watching a truly creative person at work when they’re ‘on fire’. They have this amazing ability to see a problem or challenge and it’s many potential solutions simultaneously and they have an intuitive knack at being able to bring previously disconnected ideas together in flashes of brilliance that seem so simple – yet which are so impossible to dream up for the average person.

Is Creativity tied to Personality Type or Can it be Learned?

As I read through this list of traits of creative people – the question that I find myself asking is whether creativity is tied to personality type or whether it can be learned.

My own uneducated answer to this question is – ‘yes’.

Some people are just creative – they don’t train themselves to think like they do and they often don’t even know that they are any different from the rest of us – it’s just who they are. However I believe that we can all enhance our ability to be creative over time.

At the End of the Day

This poem is a tribute to my late grandmother, who believed living life to the fullest, treating others with kindness and looking for the good in both situations and people. Since this is the season of both Easter and Passover, I thought I'd share it. Happy Holidays to Everyone!


If I have let this day pass by
and can't remember something good about it,
then I have been ungrateful
and I beg forgiveness.

If I have been involved too much with me...
my wants and woes, to see the beauty that surrounds me,
then I have played the fool and I am sorry.

If I have not stretched out my hands
to loved ones to show them that I care,
then I have been unfeeling and I am ashamed.

If I have failed to help when it was needed,
yet asked others to help me
then I have been selfish and I apologize.

If I have not seen the face of God
reflected in a million ways and places,
then I have been blind and I ask for another chance
to try again tomorrow.

The Effects of Divorce on Adults

I had written an earlier article about a good friend and The Positive Effects of Divorce on Children I'd like to also address what adults go through, especially the emotional effects, both bad and good.


During a divorce the emotional effects can seem overwhelming due to the high degree of hurt, pain and stress that sometimes accompanies the breakup of a marriage. Some of these emotional effects on the individual are difficult to sort through and can take a bit of time to work out.

When you go through the motions of a divorce it is likely you'll experience a series of progressive emotions. Most of typically start off negative, but over the course of time eventually evolve to be more positive as you emerge feeling stronger.

Here are a few of the common feelings a person may experience when going through a divorce:

*Despair

After the decision to divorce has been made an individual may feel levels of sadness and despair. Divorce is a loss and in the aftermath of the decision it is not uncommon for high levels of grief to be experienced.

In the initial stages of divorce an individual may feel shock, fear, sadness and a gamut of various emotions which reflect a feeling of helplessness or despair. This effect may be short-lived or go on for extended periods of time depending on the situation and how the individual copes with the idea of divorce.

Grief is one of those emotions that will differ from individual to individual. Some people are able to work through grief quickly while others go through the grieving process for extended periods of time.

*Self-esteem

Divorce has a strange way of bringing an individual's self-esteem down. This of course depends on the particulars which led up to the divorce, but many people experience a time of low confidence and self-worth during the early and middle stages of divorce.

It is during this time reality is sinking in and a person has to deal with several changes in their life. All of this can be difficult to contend with and the grief process has a lot to do with this emotion.

Sometimes an individual feels as if they are a failure or somehow at fault for the dissolution of their marriage. Divorce situations are often due to a relationship dynamic, not the actions of one person or what they did or didn't do. During a divorce it is sometimes hard for a person to see this and instead experience a period
of low self-esteem.

*Acceptance

Somewhere along the line, and this can happen at anytime, an individual ultimately will arrive at some level of acceptance. This doesn't necessarily mean the person is yet at peace with the idea of divorce, but does understand that it is going to happen regardless.

This acceptance is very important because it is what enables an individual to move forward. After acceptance is reached, the individual can reach in and hold onto their inner strength which very important for the healing process.

*Resilience

After the idea of divorce has sunk in and become a reality, an individual eventually realizes it is time to move ahead. There are two choices for the person to make. They can stay in the period of despair or they can take their best step forward.

Often when the realization occurs that life does indeed go on after divorce, a sudden feeling of determination occurs and with it renewed strength. As an individual goes through this emotion of divorce they often find higher levels of self-esteem, renewed energy and a desire to work on self-improvement.

This effect is often a positive experience. Many individuals who begin to feel the determination that accompanies resilience will engage in activities such as going back to college, losing weight, focusing on better health and other proactive measures.

Going through a divorce is seldom easy, no matter what the circumstances leading to this decision. It is not uncommon for an individual to go through many phases, feelings and even doubts. This is all normal and to be expected, there are no "wrong" or "right" emotions.

The timetable to heal and go through the emotional effects of divorce may be quick or prolonged depending on the individual. The length of time is not important, but what's most vital is the individual learn how to cope and deal with the myriad of emotions associated with divorce. If the effects aren't effectively dealt with, the individual may end up feeling prolonged grief and anxiety.

Rewiring the Brain:The Healing Art of Dance Therapy

When my great aunt had a stroke, it took her awhile to fully recover, both physically and mentally. Her experience made me take interest in dance therapy as a method of healing. What I found was that this form of therapy not only helps children with autism, cancer victims, victims of abuse and more, but can re-wire their brains to heal them. It is also used to help those with mental illness.

Healing through movement is the goal of dance therapy, which addresses mental/emotional issues on a physical level using the body-mind connection.

When you do not resolve an emotional experience, it becomes stuck in your body. Movement can help you find and work through the stuck places, sometimes quicker than talk therapy because you do not have to consciously verbalize the issues or feelings. However, dance therapy is often combined with talk therapy, promoting integration of the body, conscious mind, and emotions.

The underlying principle is that attitudes, thoughts, and feelings influence body movements, which in turn influence attitudes, thoughts, and feelings. Dance therapy has a growth-oriented and positive focus, with the belief that every person has a healthy, internal creative force.

According to Psychology Today, in a study at the University of London, researchers assigned patients with anxiety disorders to spend time in one of four therapeutic settings: a modern-dance class, an exercise class, a music class, or a math class. Only the dance class significantly reduced anxiety. Cardiac-rehab patients in a recent Italian study who enrolled in waltzing classes not only wound up with more elastic arteries, but were happier than participants who took up bicycle and treadmill training.

The brain's structure may explain another important source of mood boost: Dancing bonds people, according to Robyn Flaum Cruz, president of the American Dance Therapy Association. MRI scans show that watching someone dance activates the same neurons that would fire if you yourself were doing the moves. So when one dancer's movement expresses joy or sadness, others often get to experience it as well, spreading feelings and fostering empathy.

The roots of dance/movement therapy as a means to help mentally ill patients are more recent. The therapy began at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington, D.C., in the 1940's through the work of Marian Chace, a former dancer and dance teacher. Chace had studied with Mary Wigman and the Denishawn Company, which put an emphasis on ‘natural’ improvisational movement rather than the more stylized steps of ballet. She began her work following World War I, when thousands of veterans returning with post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental disorders were flooding psychiatric hospitals—before the advent of psychiatric medication.

    Chace would wheel her record player cart onto a ward of psychotic men, put on music, and begin to move. As the patients joined in, she would pick up on and mirror their movements, using the elements of dance dynamics as well as imagery to clarify the expressive aspects of the movement. This shared expression of feelings allowed the patients to feel seen, and broke through some of the isolation caused by their psychoses. Because the ability to verbalize was often impaired by their illness, dance and body movement became the pathway for communication and expression.

 A few years later, another pioneering dancer/dance teacher, Mary Whitehouse, began to incorporate her experience with Jungian analysis into her dance classes. Working on the West Coast, Whitehouse developed a form of dance/movement therapy she called “authentic movement.” Other dancers established their own systems as well.
 
You can participate in dance therapy either individually or in a group. Approaches to dance therapy vary, depending on the training, experience, and interests of the dance therapist and the needs of the client.

The therapist may give you structured movement exercises or encourage you to move as the impulse strikes. If you have little or no movement experience, the therapist may start with simple body awareness exercises. If you have more movement experience, the therapist may use a technique such as Authentic Movement, where you move with your internal impulses.

Dance therapists receive master's degree level training in dance therapy theory and practice, human development, psychotherapeutic theory, psychopathology, and observation and research skills. They also have a supervised clinical internship. Graduates of programs approved by the American Dance Therapy Association (ADTA) can use the designation DTR-Dance Therapist Registered. After two years experience, they can apply for ADTR-Academy of Dance Therapist Registered.

Dance therapists work in both private practice and group settings such as nursing homes, psychiatric hospitals, and schools for children with special needs. For people who are unable or unwilling to verbalize their feelings, dance therapy can be especially useful. Dance therapy helps:

Physically challenged
Developmental disabled Children
Veterans
School children at risk
Learning Disabled
Elderly
Stroke victims
People with AIDS
Substance Abusers
Prisoners
Cancer victims

Movement is a way both to express feelings and to learn to hold feelings in a safe way. The body is a container for the movement of emotions. Unresolved feelings create tension and constrict movement. Even if you cannot solve every problem with movement, you can learn to better relate to that problem and let go of a lot of unconscious tension, tension that could lead to pain and even illness.

Through dance and music, therapists help children with Autism bridge the gap between the left and right hemisphere that transmits information," said Joanne Lara, Autism Movement Therapy Founder. "What happens with our kids is that the transmission of the information is not going through." Lara says dance and music forces the brain to reorganize itself.

"I'm asking through the music and the movement the child to hear the music, process the sequence and the patterns, and then dance," said Joanne. "So it takes both sides of the brain to dance." Simple patterns, sequencing and repetition. This helps autistic kids process information. They know what to expect and the movements are predictable. Lara says listening, learning and doing encourages the brain to build new pathways.

Where medication treats the chemical causes of mental illness, Dance Movement Therapy allows the accompanying negative emotions and behaviours to be expressed and released from the psyche, enabling a process of renewal. Its “unlocking” power makes it the antidote to suppressed negative internal clutter that leads to destructive or self-harmful behaviours.

Dance Movement Therapy provides a completely safe, non-judgemental space in which the participant feels aided through a process of self-development. Self-esteem tends to increase greatly, as non-verbal modes of communication are explored.

Emotional damage and physical ailments create muscular tension and stiffness in the body. Dance Movement Therapy releases this tension, allowing the body to move freely and to become more aware of itself as a living, dynamic object in physical space. Every individual on the planet has their own distinctive way of moving, and Dance Movement Therapy allows the participant to release his/her potential and get to know himself/herself through movement.

There are new uses for dance/movement therapy all the time. It is offered as a health promotion service for healthy people, and as a complementary method of reducing stress in caregivers and people with chronic illness. Physically, dance therapy can provide exercise, improve mobility and muscle coordination, and reduce muscle tension. Emotionally, dance therapy is reported to improve self-awareness, self-confidence, and interpersonal interaction, and is an outlet for communicating feelings. Some say that dance may strengthen the immune system and even help prevent disease.

Dance therapy offers a way to release tension and develop healthy, positive attitudes toward your body. Even if working with a dance therapist isn't the thing for you, just get out and dance!

To find dance therapists, or if you are interested in more info on how to become one, go to The Dance Therapy Association

Spring - Time for New Beginnings

Spring is a refreshing time of the year because it represents new beginnings. After the cold and dampness of winter has been left behind, spring's warmth feels like a friendly welcome. As spring approaches the warmer temperatures add an element of relief which is longed-for. It's enjoying to watch the trees, flowers and grass emerge from their sleepy somber because it brings on a feeling of happiness.


Spring is a time for fresh beginnings and also a time for revisited pasts. In the springtime animals birth their babies and flowers drink in the early springtime showers; they blossom with their brilliant colors creating a picture perfect scene for all to enjoy. It's easy to recall last year's garden or the nests and litters of newborns which occur with predictability year after year. It's a time to recall the springs of years past with the same warmness felt as it approaches once again.

Upon spring's arrival I receive a feeling of exhilaration and a burst of energy. Like many others in the world, I fully engage myself in spring cleaning and also set my mind to get more exercise and enjoy the warmer weather. It is during this time the dark, cold and dreary days feel like nothing but a distant memory; the time has arrived to enjoy the outdoors and what it has to offer. I also like to spend some time spring cleaning my life.

Want to do some Spring Cleaning in your life? Here are a few suggestions:

Renew old friendships and resolve any unmended fences with family and friends. Life is too short to allow feelings of resentment or bitterness to come in the way of relationships and the opportunity to share rewarding memories.

Start a journal and fill it with all of your goals and dreams for the future. Don’t censure what you write. If it pops into your head, write it down. Putting a goal in writing is the first step toward making it happen. Even if you only achieve a fraction of your dreams in your lifetime, you will be further ahead than many who never attempt to try.

Plant a new garden A small garden can be a constant reminder of the beauty in life, and each new bloom represents a joyful new beginning.

Open a new savings account for one of your goals you recorded in your journal. Deposit a little something each week, no matter how small. As the savings grows, you will become more hopeful about realizing one of your dreams. Hope creates it’s own internal reward system!

Begin a new hobby that you have wanted to do, but have never gotten around to it. Sign up for a class, join a club, or get together with a friend who shares your interest in this new hobby. You will find yourself making new friends, while learning something new. I find the creativity that comes in learning a new hobby really inspires me and just makes me feel better inside.

Volunteer for a cause that matters to you. Even if you are limited in time, you can find an hour or two a week to do something to help others. You’ll be amazed how helping others will create new beginnings for you and bring renewed meaning into your life.

Welcome new neighbors when they move in. I’ve tended to be shy about this in the past, but have learned how much it means to be made to feel welcome. Invite them for dinner – you might just find that you really hit it off and make new friends.

Console those who need comfort Giving of yourself to comfort another will not only help the other person, but will make you feel a whole lot better about life.

Always have a book to read and read something new continuously. If you read one book a month, over 10 years you will have read 120 new books. Think about all you will have learned that you would have missed by not continually reading something new.


Life is filled with all kinds of New Beginnings, and they are there for the taking if we just reach out and grab them!

Coping With Negative People In Your Life

We all have dealt with toxic people, in relationships, at work, at school - there's no escaping them. What exactly is a toxic person? Toxic people consistently drag others down, making people feel worse about themselves for apparently no other reason than the satisfaction of doing so, and they may be overly needy, not caring about anyone other than themselves.

It's important to realize that negative people are usually unhappy, frustrated, or lack self-esteem. The only way that they can feel important is to hurt others. Their negative behavior is a reflection of them, not you. I remember having a close friend in dance class when I was 10. We got along just fine, but her mother despised me and made cutting remarks about me. Sadly, her only reason for hating me was that I was a better dancer than her daughter, and her obsession finally led to our not being friends anymore. One week the girl who I thought was my friend suddenly stopped speaking, due to her mother. I was hurt, but finally came to realize that this woman was to be pitied. She actually did me a favor. Through her, I learned to be more tolerant and compassionate of others, and that the most hateful people can have unknown reasons for their behavior. The most important lesson that I learned was that it wasn't my fault. I also swore that I would try never to behave like that.

There are 6 types of negative people and ways of identifying and dealing with them.

1) The Angry Time Bombs -  Walking time bombs waiting to explode upon people that touch their ego. Their ego trip is about their interests or feelings. Angry people sling words they don't mean and hurt people they love. They loudly speak their mind with no consideration of others. The angry person verbally will sling negative words, acts out physically, and possibly be abusive to those around them. They cannot take criticism to better their lives and will criticize others that have improved their lives. The angry person is usually angry about his or her own failures in life.

Don't let the angry person drain your patience and peace. Don't stoop to their level of tearing people down. Pull away from these people and channel your emotions into positive thinking. Successful people don't let anger get the best of them.

2) The Bitter Person - Still holds grudges from the past and indulges in pity parties. Their bitterness has created mental problems from being hurt in the past and not dealing with the problem. A person with a guilty conscience often becomes bitter. They are bitter and disappointed with life, people and themselves. Bitter people have a hard time forgiving people, including themselves. They resent others opinions especially when it relates to them. A bitter person might say, "Who the hell do they think they are?" The bitter slinger is jealous of others' happiness.

Don't let a bitter person take your happiness. Don't let the past be an excuse not to change. Everyday becomes the past. Focus on the future of happiness.

3) The Gossips - The words they speak about others behind their backs are like poison to tear down and destroy people's life. The gossips waste valuable time talking about others and has no ambition to reach their own goals. Most of their life is spent talking about people on the phone, looking through the window glass to see what others are doing, spying, and intruding on others lives. They want to know what others are doing in order to report to other gossipers.

Don't drink the poison of a gossip. If a gossiper talks about others, they will also talk about your life. Stay focused on your ambitions.

4) The Jealous Person - Someone gets something, the jealous person wants it. These people want your blessings and are never happy for anyone that receives a blessing. They have low self-esteem, embarrass others in situations, sling rude remarks, are uncomfortable with themselves and insecure. They are possessive and controlling. They think they need others' attention and affection in order to be Ok.

Don't let a jealous person take away your blessings. Press on! Enjoy and be thankful for your blessings.

5) The Whiner - Whiners feed on a reaction from others. Negative people really don't want to resolve the problem. They have a poor me attitude which is constantly complaining about everything. First thoughts and spoken words on any subject are negative advice. They picture failure with no room for success. Their body language is negative and voice is usually loud. They will give you all kinds of reasons not to pursue your dreams or goals. The whiner is mentally too lazy to think of ways to solve problems or succeed. They usually become part of the problem.

Don't let the whiner keep you from realizing your own goals. Stay focused positively on ways to solve issues that arise in life. Resolve issues with a good attitude and act upon what can be done to bring success.

6) The Selfish Person - Me first and everything is mine! These people are concerned with their own welfare or advantage to gain something even if it means being deceitful. They show kindness to certain people that will put their needs first. A conversation begins with the selfish person talking about their interests and at the end of the conversation the topic is still about their interests. The selfish person usually lives alone and is irresponsible. If someone receives a gift the selfish person wants it and will say things, such as, "How come I didn't get a gift?" "I really need this gift," "Where is my gift?" "They always get everything and I never get anything." The blessed person is made to feel bad, guilty, or sorry for the selfish slinger by the remarks. They believe they should have been the one receiving a car, home, money, etc. and not the person who was blessed. They do not understand why someone else is blessed and not them. Selfish people will often fake being ill or depressed in order to receive pity from others.

Don't give them what they want. Do not feel guilty for your blessings. Blessings are a sign of succeeding in life.

It is impossible to please everyone in order for him or her not to talk behind your back. Life is too short to get run down trying to please people that will never be happy. Your time is valuable and not worth losing in order to analyze why negative say and do the things they do. The higher people go in reaching their goals or making a difference in the world, the more people will criticize and sling words of destruction. You can't change them; you can only change yourself. Take them with a grain of salt, silently thank them for helping you become more understanding and compassionate towards others and focus on being and doing the best that you can be.

The Perfectionist Dilemma: How to Overcome It

The word "perfect", I'm convinced, has little place in our vocabulary, because the concept of perfection is a false one. It does not exist. We live in an imperfect world, thus everything in it falls short in some form or fashion. Unfortunately, certain professions such as dancing, acting, sports tend to create or foster the ideal of being perfect.

From the time I was a child, I've suffered from perfectionism. I've pondered the question over the difference between perfectionism, and the pursuit of excellence, many, many times. But, unless a person is careful, the "excellence" message can be misconstrued to the point of utter distortion.

The two can look quite similar. The differences are subtle, and may, or may not, be detected by outsiders, who merely see the outcome of our behavior, not what drives it.

Both states produce admirable results, as far as quality goes. Perfectionists and pursuers of excellence both garner kudos when warranted, admiration. But, that's where the similarity ends for the most part. The differences between the two mindsets manifest themselves inwardly. One produces a satisfying feeling of accomplishment, contributing to one's overall contentment in the grand scheme of things. The other produces anxiety, heartache, and a sense of never being good enough, of not ever making the grade completely.

ANXIETY VS SATISFACTION

Perfectionists are quite self-centered, when it comes right down to it. A well deserved sense of satisfaction is replaced by a pervasive mental disquiet that whispers "if you're not the best, you're not going to get the recognition you deserve", at best, to "if you do not come out ahead of everyone else, you've wasted your time," at worse, to "if you can't do this flawlessly, you really aren't worth the air you breathe," at the very worst. I've experienced these thoughts and they've made me feel more and more inadequate.

Someone who puts his all into a task, because it's the right thing to do, or because the situation calls for it does so out of a sense of responsibility; responsibility, not compulsion.

And, putting our all into a task doesn't mean fretting over whether or not every "i" is dotted. It's doing our best realizing we live in an imperfect world among imperfect people, from whom we are no different. This attitude views "mistakes" as either needing to be corrected, or worked on, if possible, or shrugged off, if they are unavoidable.

ATTRACTION, NOT PROMOTION

Perfectionism seeps into the psyche and creates a pervasive personality style. It keeps people from engaging in challenging experiences; they don't get to discover what they truly like or to create their own identities. Perfectionism reduces playfulness and the assimilation of knowledge; if you're always focused on your own performance and on defending yourself, you can't focus on learning a task. Because it lowers the ability to take risks, perfectionism reduces creativity and innovation—exactly what's not adaptive in the working world.

It is a steady source of negative emotions; rather than reaching toward something positive, those in its grip are focused on the very thing they most want to avoid—negative evaluation. Perfectionism, then, is an endless report card; it keeps people completely self-absorbed, engaged in perpetual self-evaluation—reaping relentless frustration and doomed to anxiety and depression.

The excellence pursuer, however, has an ability to motivate by realizing that everyone has not only their gifts to bring to the table, but their quirks, which can be just as valuable. By working around imperfection, not forcing its reversal, these people are able to understand that not every one is wired in the same fashion, but that they need affirmation, even when, and sometimes ESPECIALLY when, they fail.


REFRAMING OUR PERFECTIONISM

Instead of trying to change perfectionism, I learned to "reframe" it, adjusting my attitude to the point where my negative behavior could be turned around.

No, I'm not perfect. I never will be. In fact, I will make mistakes in just about anything I do, whether it's work related, parenting related, or character related. But, I truly believe that my journey IS perfect. The process of "becoming" is a perfect one; not perfect in the sense of no mistakes and without flaw (let's fact it, that's darn boring anyway), but in the sense that I can trust that I will be given opportunities to learn, and yes, to even screw up, that are right for me at just the right time. In that sense, we can easily (and truthfully) say that there ARE no mistakes, only opportunities for growth and increased wisdom. Now that kind of perfection, I can handle.

Here are a few things to try:

First, watch a movie or a sunset or engage in some activity not affected by your perfectionistic strivings. Pay attention to how much pleasure you get from it.

Then engage in some activity—say, tennis—that is subject to your perfectionism. How much pleasure do you get from it?

Ask yourself: If I miss a shot, what does it mean for my self-worth?

Apply that same insight to all other activities: Is this perfectionistic orientation worth it for this task?

Now you actually need to experiment with a different way of evaluating yourself and your performance. So deliberately make a mistake; miss a shot in tennis.

Ask yourself: Does your opponent think less of you? Do observers think less of you? If your opponent makes a mistake, do you think less of him or her?

Play tennis and concentrate only on the motion of your body. Did you enjoy that set more?

Understand the nature of mistakes. They're something we learn from—more than from our successes. Look upon failure as information, not a fixed or frozen outcome. It's a signal to try something else—another chance to learn.

7 Traits that Successful Dancers Share

What makes a dancer successful?

 Below is a list of the 7 traits that I think most successful dancers share. If you would really like to just get up and dance when you hear music, remembering these qualities--or maybe putting them into practice--might  help enhance your performance.

1. CONFIDENCE

Self-confidence is definitely the most important quality someone should possess before performing anything, not just dancing. Before you can go out there in public, you have to work on building your self-esteem if it is low. Confidence can be improved, and nowadays there are many ways in which people can do it. This is the key to your success--believe in yourself!


2. FUN

By definition, fun means a source of amusement, enjoyment, and pleasure. Dancing is supposed to be fun. Go make the best of it when you are on the dance floor. Don't act or look like you are there by force. It just doesn't look good. So if you are boring or are bored by dancing, then it's not going to work. Just be fun and have fun.

3. PASSION/DETERMINATION

You have to absolutely love what you are doing. Dancing has to be felt internally. Nobody can tell you what you need to do, and you can't just wake up the next morning loving dancing; you must be born with it or acquire it with time. Once you do have the passion in you, dance like there is no tomorrow. Let the music move your body and then let it get in your blood.

Determination flows from passion. If you have passion for something, you will become determined to be or have the best. Don't aim for perfection; no one can be perfect; but aim to be the best you can be as an individual.

4. EXTROVERSION

By this, I don't mean that you must be an extrovert per se, but rather show a love of dance onstage.
You also can be an extroverted performer but more of an introvert offstage. As an introvert, I've found that it has never interfered with my dancing at all.  I love the stage. It's where I can express emotions and feel free.I know other introverts who shine on the stage. I believe that acting a part can be acquired and that if you love what you do, it will show. It is your personality onstage that people see, not the one offstage. In other words, you can be an introvert who is an extrovert when it comes to performing.

5. HUMILITY

The most successful dancers are those that don't let achievements go to their heads. Instead, they always are eager to learn from other dancers, choreographers, etc. Humility makes anyone pleasant to be around, and not having a big ego will endear you to casting directors.

Having a pleasant personality certainly will get you farther than an unpleasant one, no matter what you do. I'd say that, in dancing, it helps to develop your own unique strengths and use them to their best advantage. Having a balanced lifestyle and healthy eating habits are also important.

6. THICK SKIN

Some dancers may not have this quality, but if they don't, they should. There will always be criticism. A dancer must be able to take in positive feedback and repel the unconstructive one. I don't necessarily mean that a dancer shouldn't listen to "negative" comments by critics who genuinely think that an improvement can be made. Criticism doesn't always have to be positive and all sugar-coated; in fact, the negative comments are the ones that make us improve and make our skin a little bit thicker. What I mean here is that there will be some criticism that is practically based on nothing; they are simply unjustifiably harmful comments.

7. CREATIVITY

Another trait of a successful dancer is creativity. Most dancers have their unique style and signature moves, but at the same time they always look for ways to break the routine and come up with something new. They are constantly discovering new ideas and concepts to apply to their dancing. Just like music, acting is connected with dancing in a way because a dancer must also improvise. When doing choreographed routines and mistakes are made, a dancer should be able to pull it off and make it look like it is just part of the choreography. People who are creative by nature, will do certain things in a more natural way because their unconscious mind automatically perceives it and takes action. But as always, a person can be shaped into a behavior. There is that artificial creativity that can be nurtured by watching and learning from different types of dances all around the world.

There are other abilities, such as flexibility, grace, physical strength, and training, that while they won't necessarily help us dance like no one is watching when we don't have it in us, they will most definitely help us improve our dancing skills and approval in front of an audience. By improving our dancing skills, we gain more confidence; by doing this, we can dance like no one is watching.

Do It Anyway - Great Words of Inspiration

This poem is engraved on the wall of
Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta, and is called "Do it Anyway"

The poem is a variation on the Paradoxical Commandments by Kent M. Smith

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis
it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.